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Mansplaining my pancreas

Me: {at a pub} How long has your port been open?

Him: it’s port. It keeps.

Me: I’m a port drinker, and I taste oxidation.

Him: I go through these two the fastest.

Me: hmm…

My husband: Aren’t you going to do beer?

Me: No. I’ve had many types of alcohol this evening and I feel like it would upset my stomach.

Him: Um…that’s not how it works.

Me: What?

Him: you’re just drinking more. That’s why you get sick.

Me: How old are you? 25? I was drinking before you could vote. How about you don’t tell me about my pancreatic damage?

Him: *rolling his eyes*

Me: fuck you too buddy.

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