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Denny the Duck

Me: This show makes no sense.

Spawn: It’s Peppa!

Me: Yes, but why is she a pig? Couldn’t she just be a child? Why would they make her a pig? Pigs don’t speak.

Spawn: Because she is a pig! And she is smart!

*watches show as the class of sentient animal-children drive to the mountains and feed ducks*

Me: This is existentially horrifying.

Spawn: *looks at me* What?

Me: it is awful! Why isn’t the duck in school? Why can’t it talk? Why are they feeding the duck instead of teaching it and including it on their trip? How can they bird watch? Why can she have a conversation with a Gazelle, but she can’t talk to an ant? Why are only some animals intelligent? Why do these intelligent animals enslave other animals?

*a few moments pass*

Spawn: Uncle Simon, I don’t want to watch this show anymore. It’s mean.

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