Like…I love my editor with Riptide, May Peterson. Seriously. I love her. I wanna meet her and have like coffee and a deep conversation (assuming she can stand me), but OMG how do romance authors do this?

Sex is an uncomfortable thing for me. I was sexually assaulted, I’ve queer in every way since I began, I grew up in a prudish household that was religious about sex. I am writing a sex scene from the perspective of a male. Like…THIS BACK AND FORTH ABOUT WHOSE TONGUE SHOULD BE WHERE AND WHEN IS FUCKING KILLING ME.

I don’t…I cannot. I just read the track changes notes going…………………..

“STAAAAAAAAAAAPPP Please please please omg please don’t tell me to insert a sentence about how their mouths touch and they sensually come togeether. NOOOOOOOO”

It is seriously the most embarrassing, uncomfortable, just…*has no words*

I’m gonna die. And this is how. From my editor’s comments of how to make kissing work. 

Thank god she didn’t have anything to add to the blowjob. Jesus christ i think my soul would shrivel up in my abdomen and choke off my loins and like rot me from inside. I’m not exaggerating. I think I would die. I would just go into a corner and howl in a pink fit until my face melted. 

I had to shave my head just so that I could concentrate. 

I needed that mind-shift to focus.