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Simon, I have a problem. I don’t fit in anywhere. I can’t seem to make any friends. It’s like the moment I step out of sight, I stop existing to everyone I care most about. I keep dumping so much of myself into new spaces, trying to find one where I fit, but I don’t seem to fit anywhere. I’ve been through new towns, new states, but nowhere seems to want me. Or they say they do, but get tired of me so quickly. I don’t know what to do any more.


It sounds to me like you don’t fit in in your own head.

If I were you, I’d spend some time learning to be comfortable alone, to be calm and to find joy from within instead of seeking it from others. You have to be confident in yourself. You have to love what you love, be good at it, regardless of who or what is going on around you. You have to be still and know that all wisdom comes from stillness.

People tire of you (if indeed they do and it is not your perception) because you need something from them. You look to them for identity. 

I have lived alone a very long time. Only since 2016 have I spent any time talking to you, and only in the last year have people begun to ask me for advice, of all things. Why? Because I know a great deal? Perhaps. Though most of what I say can be googled if they have a mind to. They come here because I do not impose myself on them. I do not look to them for identity. Indeed everything here on this site and in my books is about me transcribing my own identity out of the rubbish I’ve been handed, denying humanity any claim on me. People like you find that settling somehow.

I realize what it sounds like, me using myself as an example of an attribute I am telling you to obtain, but I used it because you came here for a reason. That reason is the thing I am addressing.

It is unfair and unhelpful to look to others for a sense of who you might be.

We don’t seek out others for what they can give us and call ourselves “friends”. We seek out others to enjoy and explore them, to experience and witness. Do that enough times, and someone will want to experience and witness you. That is how friendships are formed.

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