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Has anyone ever written a fanfiction of you and Chef? And how would you feel if someone did?

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

Yes. I held a contest the first year out of amusement. It was very helpful because it actually taught me a great deal about how humans craft fictions out of truths, and what sort of fictions they wanted to craft out of me. It also assisted me in finding one of my assistants, who is marvelous at falsifying my voice, which makes her exceptionally good at editing me when my editor is out wandering the earth in a blind stupor, which is what I presume she is doing all day, since she is not working with me to put out the next volume.

I’m not bitter. Please don’t immediately go to @kristinalmeister‘s blog and harass her to get her arse “in gear”. Thank you. 

*princess waves*

Yes, hello dear. Now please don’t harass Kristina. She doesn’t deserve it. Not at all. Don’t assail her about why she has buggered off into oblivion and forsaken all association with me.

Fuck you dude. you know my life. My life is shit right now. So I will get to you when I can.CHILL OUT

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