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Oh my god why did I, too, make my barbies gay water creatures (mine were sirens) who killed ken?








no matter how many careers and outfits they release for her, Barbie’s default state in the hands of children is “murderous gay water spirit” and that’s just a fact… Mattel should go ahead and release “Siren Barbie” and give her a cool spear and a skull or something


I didn’t add a spear, but I’m sure it’s one of the accessories she comes with.

…this makes me really, really, really want to dig out my old Barbies from the attic and customize one of them.

My sister and I somehow acquired a couple dozen barbies, all as gifts since Mom never bought us any. 

Our favorite thing to play with them was that the Barbies lived in an all female Amazons style society, where they killed and ate any unfortunate Ken doll who chanced upon their isolated island. 

We took a bunch of my mom’s green yarn from an abandoned knitting project and made vines by taping strings of yarn to the playroom ceiling so the barbies could swing vine to vine like Tarzan. 

Good times. 

OMG I always made my Barbies lesbian mermaids. Never had a Ken doll but my Barbies did go to war with Aladdin and G.I. Joe. They overran the kingdom and brought Princess Jasmine and Mulan into the fold.

I feel like Mulan would need minimum convincing to become a lesbian warrior TBH. 

Uh I HAD the Barbie mermaid tails.

Maybe I’m like…the outlier here, but I used to take mine apart and do horrible mashup bodymods like if Mad Max Fury Road got crossed with that scene from TOY STORY. Like I had a barbie head I put over the tinier head of a brontosaurus and then I like gave her warpaint and colored her hair with a marker, and her name was Barbasaurus. And I had one that I put the arms and legs on the pegs to a Koodies worm and like put the pegs in the body segment holes and made a millipede with human arms and legs…

Like… Nobody else did that? Nobody?

Fuck man.

It’s all about My Little Pony anyways.

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