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Are you the penis vice girl




















I am many things, among them, yes, the editor of penis vice, crucifix nail nipples and other questionable content. Hi.

I may be forced to change your contact details to penis vice girl in my phone.

Just to clarify for those unaware, it was neither my vice or my penis, it was an awful erotica story I edited once involving the awful phrase “his inescapable penis vice gripped her from the inside”.

It was thinly veiled ABO fic trying to market itself at het-romance and we all had a good laugh about it in the officr after we stopped crying.

What does ABO stand for?  Or am I better off not knowing?

Alpha, beta, omega. It’s werewolf/shape shifter troping where theres certain expected power dynamics or physiological differences that bind you to your lover. Sometimes quite literally.

Like a penis vice.

How can you sit there so calmly and talk about knotting like that? 

5+ years in the indie erotica industry during the Twilight Saga boom. 

Wait.  They call it knotting?  As in relating it to knitting or crocheting (which is basically like complicated knots, yeah?)?  I’ve heard everything.

Please tell me that’s everything.

uh, no, nothing to do with yarn. Like when actual canines mate.

That is genuinely the purest thing anyone has ever added onto one of my posts lmao

Fandom and thinking about possibilities for alien genitals can teach you so much about how much strange stuff actually already exists on planet earth. Be it the actual genital set up of different animals (ducks have long spiral dicks for better rape ability, dogs knot, cats have spiked dicks (and fuck like 100 times, because they do triggered ovulation), there ARE animals that have penis bones (though humans do NOT), dolphins can massage with their vaginas and the males ejaculate really hard) or how humans relate to and phatasize about animals (I have seen video of human women being fucked by little ponies, no not the friendship kind)(and animals, apparantly dolphins can get frisky with humans, don’t know if this is true or a fantasy of some humans….). Anyways………
Then incorporate this into fanfic! I mean, there’s the one with Doctor Who/Rose where he has penis spikes? That he at some point pulls out so not to hurt her? But it hurts him and she didn’t mind the spikes that much????? (I have seen a women being stitched back up after giving birth, this scenario reminds me of that.)
Or the other one with Penis spikes (though I think reduced to harmless bumps) that pointed out that Star Trek Vulcans are decended from a more cat like species unlike humans with an ape like one?
Also lots of knotting in fic, even before ABO became this huge thing. (I seem to remember BDSM verses were more frequent before ABO?)

Anyways, this spectrum exists between being honestly interested in science and biology and thinking about how actual Aliens might actually be Alien (though Star Trek and the ability for accidental interbreeding between alien species, and also many other shows, only consider actual biology when it’s convenient to the plot) and the kink side of getting off on all kinds of things, with overlap of course,

People with curious minds can end up places on the internet… (I remember that body modifications site on the internet with all kids of pictures actual human beings had done to their genitals and posts on how to best suture yourself and how best to remove your own testicles or something….) and there’s probably lots of stuff I’ve never heard off, esp. as I do come from a more intellectual curiousity POV in these areas.

Your breadth of knowledge is…


Also, I exemplify the “odd sex organ” sort of discussion.

Forgive me if I’m wrong but don’t you have a Deep Throat (the movie) kind of deal going on?

I’m sorry…what was the question? I seem to have swallowed my veneers.


2) I thought your ‘bits’ were in your throat but I could be hallucinating as I’m running on four espresso shots and a mint

I am fine. It was a joke. And please pardon me if I don’t specifically outline where I keep my vulnerable parts.

Of course, and I apologize for being rude

Rude? Heavens no. It’s the point of my presence here, but bawdy yes… I’m unaccustomed to having conversations about the unique qualities of my particular mating organs.

Frankly the notion of doing so is causing my face to contort.

Imagine them being described in an auctioneer’s voice

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