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Reasons why you should be glad Jill is not in a Stephen King novel



1) Would fuck with the Pet Sematary. ‘So I stole a wooly mammoth skeleton, and put it in, and waited and-’ *ghostly elephant-like noises* ’-Down, Tusker!’

2) Would befriend The Shining ghosts. ‘Here, Spooky Twins, behold, for I have brought you a television and coloring books. This is how you use Netflix.’ *aggressively sings ‘Honey I’m Good’ at Bathtub Lady, always tips the bartender, has brought own costume for Spoopy Masked Ball.*

3) Would end up tutoring Carrie, also probably decking her mom the first time she started yelling about Dirty Pillows™. Also calling CPS.

4) Is already honorary Cousins with @simonalkenmayer. I will be adopted as their own by innumerable other beings.

Reasons Stephen King should be glad he never met me:

I would eat him.

The list is complete.


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