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me: [does something questionable or unhealthy] lol 

friend: [does something questionable or unhealthy]

me: Mom Friend Mode™ Activated

Me: *falls of rainy fire escape and hits a dumpster, dislocating several limbs* “LOL”

Me: *Accidentally stabs metacarpal* “This is an opportunity to explore the intellectual qualities of one pain!”

Me: •knocks out a tooth or rips off a nail, Is forced to drink blood to scrape by, or goes into depressed fits of not eating* “Life vexes me”

Friend: *has a cold*

Me: “Do you have garlic? Have my recipe for Hot Toddies! Be sure to consume large quantities of antioxidants! Where is your mother? Do you have food? What sort of blankets have you? Are you hydrated?”

Cryptids are careless creatures when it comes to our own person, but I suppose…that extreme entitles us to another, quantifiable in the phrase “Superhuman Mom Friend Mode”

And you certainly take your superhuman mom friend mode seriously 😉🖤

I feel as if half my friends would be dead or shuddering in a corner somewhere if I didn’t. That is not to say I don’t trust their capacity to manage their own affairs. It is instead a verbal measure of the tiny gaps I can recognize and fill

*nods* and we all love you for it. I know I’m in constant appreciation of your advice and company.

Good, because otherwise I reckon it would get annoying very swiftly.

For some reason, after each of those accidents happened to you @simonalkenmayer we will hear “It’s ok guys. I’m alright~ Just flesh wounds~” in the background.

*I didn’t mean to laugh, but I snort a little at your careless attics*

And yes, the warm tea + honey + lemon combo works like a charm~


You left out being shot, hit with a car, the chainsaw, the numerous surgeries and oh yeah, let’s not talk about That One Thing

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