the spanking debate isn’t all that complicated. you’re either ok with hitting small kids who are completely defenseless and literally at your mercy, or you’re not. supporting the first option makes you a bad and dangerous person, and unfit to be a parent, and im sorry to say but there’s no way around this, no excuses or loopholes. it is what it is
I’ve told this story before and my clam chowder is getting cold but fuck it.
A couple years ago while I was working for a care center during my ece training – we had a big thing about spankings. We went around and asked children who were spanked how they felt about it and what it told them or how it made them feel.
Then when the parents were over, we anonymously read everything that was said by the children on how they view spankings and unanimously it was found that the children never saw it as a growing experience.
It was “painful” “really scary” “I thought mommy hated me now” and we often found it never actually TAUGHT the kids what they did wrong. in fact it seemed to teach them that at any moment your mommy or daddy would just haul up and smack you until you cried and said it was for your own good.
Needless to say I’m pretty sure we changed a lot of parents opinions on spanking and SHOCK OF SHOCKS actually TALKING to their children worked far better disiplinary
I even included my own story, pretending I was telling an outside story “well, I happened to know one person who’s mother only stopped spanking them cause they got tall and big real fast so they could fight back. so there’s a lot of intimidation and fear to your children.” and just – I’ll never forget the dawning look of realization on their faces
The most common argument I hear is, “Look, my parents spanked me and I turned out fine.”
Stolen from elsewhere on the internet but now my defult response: “No you didn’t–you think it is okay to hit little kids.”
I’d like to add that I was spanked and have serious issues dealing with people who yell now, because my brain now associates yelling with “I’m gonna get hit.”
You don’t have to be a “hard core abuse victim” for this to happen. It just takes “mild corporal punishment” with a raised voice, and your kid could end up being terrified (absolutely terrified, to the point of shutting down) of people who raise their voices.
Now, if someone yells, my instinctual reaction is to cringe, and avoid eye contact, because “I have done something wrong, and they are going to come hit me,” even if it has NOTHING to do with me, at all.
I love that line up there “No you didn’t. You think it’s ok to hit little kids” DAMN THAT’S SO GOOD. I’m stealing it.
Also, I was beaten most of my life. I could tell horror stories. You know what it did for me? Taught me that my parents had no respect for my intellect and that they were not to be trusted with my problems, but were to be feared. It got so bad that one time, my mom and I were moving a heavy speaker down a small flight of stairs. She got to the bottom, and I kid you not, just dropped her side. and I’m standing there holding mine, thinking WTF? And she looks up at me and says “What did you do?” And I was like….oh here we go. So I pick up the pieces and load them into the van, and she is bitching me out, saying I made her drop it. Like huh? and she goes to slap me. I didn’t even think. I just punched her right in the face so hard it broke her glasses.
Hit your kids See what happens. I work very hard to undo that anger in myself, and I try very hard to make sure my daughter never sees it. If you’re not doing that, you’re a shitty parent. So no. It isn’t cool to hit kids. You cripple a part of them, and they have to be strong enough and smart enough to work at getting it back in working order.