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I’ve now been called a teenager

simonalkenmayer:

thehornedwitch:

simonalkenmayer:

thehornedwitch:

simonalkenmayer:

thehornedwitch:

simonalkenmayer:

A quick poll:

How many of my regular readers think that likely? Let’s do this for the sake of the experiment.

Indicate your general age range when responding.

Okay so. this is fucking HILARIOUS. Let me explain why!

So, the creatures cookbook blog started… what, five years ago? I’m twenty-one currently, and five years ago i was a sixteen year old writing really bad homestuck porn. there is no way in hell i (or most) sixteen year olds would be capable of the work required to write Simon’s book. Like, the research alone is something a highschool student would have ZERO time for. Y’ever met highschool students? Tired and sad, the lot of them.

Now, let’s assume that by “teenager”, this accuser meant “sixteen year old”. That would mean Simon, our dear, morbid, brilliant Simon, started doing all of this at the tender age of ten.

A ten year old with an in depth knowledge of the city he lives in, the history of foodstuffs, cannibalism, and so much more!

Yeah, Simon ain’t a human teenager.

A teenager in monster years, maybe, since what is known about The Species is vague and hazy, but other than that, no dice, sorry whoever said this, you’re barking up a tree that doesn’t exist.

Thank you Ruth. That warms the heart.

Oh Oh Oh! I have more!

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WOULD BE FOR A TEENAGER TO FOLLOW ME, A CAPRICIOUS DRUNK PERSON, THROUGH NIGHTTIME BARS???

Very! Very hard is the answer! I was doing things during school hours! I was up and out on the town WAY past midnight! Bar hopping! Being followed! With pictures being sent!

Not a teen!

That teenager would have to have quite the income to provide you with an open bar tab.

And TWO expensive dinners. This is getting to drinking game and/or bingo levels of “spot the ways Simon is not a teenager”. This is fun.

Truth, but in the same way that @vampireapologist @youcantseebutimmakingaface @kristinalmeister and several other are likely me…you could be LYING. It’s a conspiracy. We are all Simon.

Dude…I’m 35 my husband was a genius who went to college at 12. He was an idiot. You’re not a teenager. Nope. Have they read anything you’ve written because I don’t know a single teenager who uses the word “concupiscence” .

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