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me, writing

simonalkenmayer:

unsettlingstories:

actualslug:

“will they die if i make them do this”

“would you cry if this happened to you? no. Are they gonna cry? ya”

“should this character be incredibly emotional? no. will they be? o you betcha”

“why in the fuck did you lean on the door 32 times”

“you sound like a fucking stupid person. don’t say that. *says it anyways*”

“does this character really need basic food and water. it doesnt fit into the story so does he really

“lemme give this guy medical skills so my character doesnt die lmao sorry”

“WHO. TALKS. LIKE. THAT. FUCK

“ahhhhhhhhhhhhh”

me, writing:

“How do shove this thing up this person?”

Me, writing: *looking up how many centuries ago “avaunt” fell out of usage*

Curses. No one will have the slightest clue what I am saying. I suppose “go away” will have to suffice lest my editor find new and creative ways to torture me. Perhaps this time it will be a picture of an archaic dictionary hand-illuminated in the 15th century in poorly spelled Middle English with a note scrawled in red ink saying “You fucking abstruse dickbag. Please stop forcing me to look up words when I am already behind.”

I am going to eat her one day.

Bite me, dickbag. And finish your revisions or I will hunt you down and we will see who eats whom.

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