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me, writing








“will they die if i make them do this”

“would you cry if this happened to you? no. Are they gonna cry? ya”

“should this character be incredibly emotional? no. will they be? o you betcha”

“why in the fuck did you lean on the door 32 times”

“you sound like a fucking stupid person. don’t say that. *says it anyways*”

“does this character really need basic food and water. it doesnt fit into the story so does he really

“lemme give this guy medical skills so my character doesnt die lmao sorry”



me, writing:

“How do shove this thing up this person?”

Me, writing: *looking up how many centuries ago “avaunt” fell out of usage*

Curses. No one will have the slightest clue what I am saying. I suppose “go away” will have to suffice lest my editor find new and creative ways to torture me. Perhaps this time it will be a picture of an archaic dictionary hand-illuminated in the 15th century in poorly spelled Middle English with a note scrawled in red ink saying “You fucking abstruse dickbag. Please stop forcing me to look up words when I am already behind.”

I am going to eat her one day.

Bite me, dickbag. And finish your revisions or I will hunt you down and we will see who eats whom.

I am still unclear upon what a “dickbag” is. Please recall that I once walked streets during the era of the “cod piece” and know that I have a slightly skewed mental image of said appliance.

Also, you will fail to eat me, but This brings up an interesting thought: would I even be “tasty” to a human, if I am even edible? I think not.

Just a vulgar pejorative linked to gender, I guess…kind of de-feminizing “douce bag” so that feminine hygiene products aren’t the root of all evil and they can blame themselves for their stupid behavior….and before you even fucking say it, i know you don’t have junk, but it is an all purpose word.

And also, i think I’d be willing to try. I mean aren’t you the one always telling me to “eat anything once”?

I was not referring to myself, but point taken. Good luck in that pursuit. May I advise you wear night vision goggles, carry hollow point ammunition, and learn to walk without making a sound…including a heartbeat?

LMAO that is seriously the best way anyone has ever told me to drop dead. I’ll get right on that ninja side-project amigo.

But seriously, get your revisions done.

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